Balancing Expectations and Desires

What I had fretted and worried over finally happened yesterday.

And it wasn't that bad.

In fact, I'm finding that I'm actually fine with it.

My 18-year-old son, fresh out of high school AND with two years of college (and an Associate's degree) under his belt, and now in his first full-time job (heck FIRST JOB EVER) has decided, for now, not to continue with a four-year college.

At least, not for now.

As he astutely pointed out yesterday, "Mom, I have time."

At the tender age of 18, he DOES have time. He does. Not as much time as what he thinks, but yes, he does have time.

If I could go back and tell the 18-year-old me to NOT get married, I would have. I also would have told her to NOT listen to her mother at age 29 when husband Number Two came on the scene. That guy was an even worse choice than Husband Number One. But most importantly, I would have sat both of those aspects of me down and told them to WRITE. To write and write, and WRITE.

My son's life is his. To live, to learn, and to grow into. I had told him that I wanted him to go to college. I told him this umpteen times over the years. I did this because the edict is strong within me. All around me, all of my life, this is what I've been told and what I've learned. Want a good life? Go to college. Want to make good money? Go to college. Want to own a house, be able to pay your bills, and live comfortably? Go to college.

Now here is the thing. At this point in my life, now in my mid-50s, I live comfortably. I have a good life. I am not rich. I likely never will be. But I own a house, plus two more that are investment properties. I spend my days the way I want to spend them - usually writing, but often gardening or working on our second investment property renovation project. And I've done this without anything past an Associate's degree. My husband too. He has less than an Associate's degree, some college, but mostly IT training, that has kept him fed and employed and paying his bills for over 30 years. In other words? I have a good life without college, but damn, it took a lot of hard work to get here.

College. It is less THINKING about it all and more REPEATING what I've been told endlessly. And it is also where I need to separate MY dreams for his future from my own psyche, and those dreams that are dictated by of our culture's. I realized that in an instant the other day as he gently explained WHY he didn't want to go to college right now.

My son can do well enough to easily pass his classes in college. That has already been proven. But he would do EXCELLENT in college if he really wanted it. But he doesn't. Not right now.

He's made a choice.

He doesn't want college right now.

I've made a choice as well. To not push him into something he does not want right now. It might save him thousands of dollars in wasted education, bopping about, trying to become something he is not. It also might cost him thousands of dollar in unrealized income, due to a lack of education.

For each choice, there is a pro and a con.

But the choice is his to make and his to live with.